Because it happened again!

 I am writing this because it happened again! 

To start with, I am 29, quite reckless in decision-making, over thinker, can be easily annoyed when controlled. I am writing this because I see no other way out, I am writing this to reflect of what I think makes sense, what I am seeing is what I am believing and I am writing this to tell them what I never could- when I'm no longer around. I am writing this so I can find a way while I'm writing.

Let's get straight- the situation right now is quite bizarre. I got an opportunity in Vietnam which according to me is a big deal. Agreed it ain't a dream destination or a dream workplace- but where am I living a dream anyway right now? 

Like I mentioned I'm quite a reckless decision maker- which has always satisfied me and personally I have no problems with it but everyone around me sees it as a big problem- so some of them end up deciding things for me- I'm 29 and still! What's worst? They don't believe in discussing before deciding. 

I am looking at the country- Vietnam and all the bright and dark sides of living there alone- whatever it is, it looks way better than my current situation, home, city and social circle for sure!

I discussed this with my father and he was happy, expressed his thoughts & concerns, everything was discussed and I was happy with the kind of conversation we had and that we did not decide on anything. Then comes a person with who I'm in cross with for about a year now- mother! She has already decided of not sending me anywhere- no matter what!

I am desperate to move and this is my chance- I don't want to miss it. I want to go and I'm clear I want to go. I've been reading articles about Vietnam and alongside, reading about toxic people as well and to my surprise, all boxes were ticked when I was checking if mother is toxic- sure she is!

And now I spoke to my sister- again no congratulations, good job, well done. Instead what I got was "no matter how lucrative, i don't think that it's appropriate to take this up at the moment." "Because mum wants u to be married" 

I don't understand being punished so severely, being treated so miserably and asked to do things so unreasonably. At the age of 29 where some people fly, here I am, trapped, boxed, caged, blamed!

Mental illness- does it become a big hinderance in one's life? I don't think so- I, the one who suffered refuse to believe that any illness can come your way of progress. You can, you definitely can achieve laurels no matter what illness you have. Coming to how a family looks at you and your illness? Some dickheads will look at it as your inability- your destiny, your flaw, your limitation and what not- they look at it as; if she was strong, she would have been in a better position in her career/relationships. They directly assume you're not strong- they make you think and believe that you are not strong- this is absolute trash! You're way stronger and way more able than they think of you or sometimes way more than what they are. You gotta gotta tell them that! You have to fight for your opportunities and not let your past mental episodes come in the way of decisions for present or future. Good and bad things can happen anytime, anywhere. There is no guarantee for anything. 

And, you gotta wipe your own tears. When a person- physically or mentally ill cries sometimes, some of them think- poor her, she might be feeling sorry for herself. But I know you're not sorry or you are not pitying yourself. You're just crying! It's normal for anyone to cry. But its not normal- when someone choses not to pacify you, offer you a kerchief, water or comfort you when you're crying. So tell me who is mentally ill here? 

I'm on my journey to make things happen, to make 1 more decision which sounds reckless but is deeply thought about. I always wear a safety belt but I don't consider it is necessary to tell 50 people around me that I have my safety belt on. It's common sense that at 29, a person is responsible enough, well learnt and I just want to start driving knowing I'm safe. Again, I do not consider it necessary to tell people around me of my thoughts on my journey- It's my journey, I'm old enough to make it my own.